the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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