We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I need water and some morals
Randomize
