You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
