she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
