we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
