Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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