More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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