Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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