If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
