I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
