I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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