ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
