is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
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