I'm laying in your front yard are you home
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
