Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
