I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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