The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
