Having a random hookup so left but love u
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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