hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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