I wish I only lived at night.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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