Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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