Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
