bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
try to milk me bitch
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
