i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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