trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
