So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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