We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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