I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
