Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
