Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
