shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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