You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
