Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
should my penis look like a turkey
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In other news, I just burned my penis
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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