3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
