Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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