i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
