Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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