why didn't you poke me back
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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