Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
