I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
