I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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