she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
