someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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