possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
