Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
