she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it glows. i had to have it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
