she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
