i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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