How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
