Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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